International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc.
International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc.
By: Esther Pipoly
~Of course, was my reply.
I actually always hesitate when I hear the words, “committed suicide”
The very first suicide seminar I attended, I learned that no one commits suicide, they die by suicide, which makes perfect sense.
My first initial call with a loved one who is suffering after losing someone to suicide is a challenge. I never really know where they will begin. Some just want to cry and others are numb and then there are the third types that talk and talk and talk.
So, I reached out to the employee by phone to check in, and the young man was very eager to get help and share what had happened. He was desperate for help.
I sat back and thought back to my CISM training:
SAFER
I first introduced myself and said I was there to listen and asked how he was holding up. He explained his sadness, his anger and fears. Then he paused, as he reflected upon the actual event. I took a breath and admitted that what he had witnessed and experienced was horrible and terribly sad. Then asked him to tell me how he had met his roommate, and things they enjoyed doing together. Within minutes he started to tell me about how he met his roommate fishing, and how they quickly became friends and as time progressed, they became each other’s family.
I could hear him smiling and sort of laughing. I mentioned that what he had witnessed he would have to retrain his brain. Every time he had a vision of the tragic event, he could replace it with a happy memory of their time together.
I then asked him, “what is the one thing or hurdle you need help with?”
He replied, “I need to get out of this apartment, I am here living in the place where he took his life, I am paralyzed.”
At LOLA, we immediately jumped in, facilitated communication with the leasing company and his employer to see how we could get him released from his lease. At first the apartment manager said, they had just signed a lease, so it was unlikely. We Advocated for him and in a matter of a week the management said they would let him out due to the tragedy. We researched and made recommendations for a new lease along with his employer helping pay for a pet deposit since he had inherited his late roommates’ pets. We asked the employer for his insurance plan to check into his mental health benefits and his employer assistance plan to ensure he connected with a provider for good professional help. Our Loss of Life Advocates (LOLA) Chaplain reached out to speak with him to ensure he knew he had a support network.
The work we do at LOLA is sometimes operational after a loss helping families navigate all the things that happen after a life transition occurs. But having had the CISM training we now add in the model to ensure we can help in the most of traumatic losses.
Esther Cardenas Pipoly, Owner & Founder of Loss of Life Advocates, is based out of San Antonio, Texas. Her company assists families, business owners and corporations before, during and a life transition or loss. LOLA has been operating since 2017 and works in person and virtually nationwide.
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