International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc.
International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc.
By: Pamela Russell Suggs, ICISF Approved Instructor & Member
But you’re a flight attendant! This was the second slide in my PowerPoint for the last in person class I taught February 26, 2020 with an exceptional CISM team. Snake River Correctional Institute (SRCI) in Ontario, Oregon. Like so many other people right now are doing as 2020 is behind us and we are beginning a new, I am reflecting. Waxing nostalgic for the things I feel I have missed last year and now see how I took for granted in my life. The hugs of family and friends without giving it a second thought. Smiles.
I am sure many would think it odd for a flight attendant to be teaching Correctional Officers. When I was preparing for the class, I knew that addressing that proverbial oddity required that I address why, just maybe, these seasoned Officers should spend their day with me. I hoped they could feel their time had been valued and they just might walk away with something more relevant than the travel tips I am often asked for!
I started our time together by sharing my history. It included years working with Victims Assistance. My absolute honor to spend time in 2008/2009 serving our Military through the USO and as an Army Unit Victim Advocate in deployed frontline base’s. I continue to teach and support Navy and Army personnel. The six years I had spent with the flight attendants CISM team for my airline which included being the Vice and now former Chair of our group. Finally, and probably most obvious of a connection, was that for more than 25 years I was a wife of a Correctional Captain. I had supported one of their own as his repeated work traumas changed all our lives. That story included the unsuccessful attempted suicide of my spouse and the path that eventually took. We got very personal, real, and transparent. This was only possible because of the support and blessings of my ex-husband who hoped that by honestly sharing his
and our family’s journey it could make a difference for someone else.
Our topic for the day was self-care. Destructive coping behaviors. Statistics. Safety in the workplace while dealing with co-worker’s addictions. Like every good flight attendant, I know those in my airplane cabin always have a better experience if the snacks get out early. I handed out peanuts to everyone, and we settled into our work!
As a group we went through the challenges and statistics specifically facing Correctional Officers. There is no way to put a good spin on statistics and the reality they work in. We spent time reviewing addictions prevalent in their profession that lead to self-medication along with behaviors that are used in efforts to ease personal sufferings. The openness and participation for such difficult subject matter by everyone on the team was humbling. Tears were quietly wiped away. Questions of frustration as to why everyone is not taught coping skills from the beginning of their careers so when the trauma comes, they have a chance to come out of it with the help of proper tools. We shared about how to talk with family, so they recognize danger signs.
As the months of 2020 crept by, it was the self-care that came to resonate with me in new ways. For all the times I have taught on this subject, last year has forever changed how I look at and embrace it. Not just for the individual or team I am working with but in fact, my own.
Within the first few days of March and travel shutting down, I found myself unable to return to my home. At the time it was located at an overseas military base my new husband was stationed. If not for the love and open door of my son, I would have been for all intent and purposes, homeless. My new reality, the bottom bunk in my 8-year-old grandsons’ room. When I came back to the states in February to work and teach, I had not packed for this experience in my carry on.
By the time April was arriving, so many individuals whom I connect with through their CISM teams were looking for creative ways to connect, to in fact, function. Not only in our work but in their our own lives. It seemed like we were all facing the need to support our perspective groups for a type of trauma many seemed to not feel fully adequate to address. The need to self-quarantine from a pandemic was a curve ball. Personal trauma and crisis got a new face when we were not ready. Who could have known we needed to be? Our individual need to acquire hand sanitizer, allusive rolls of toilet paper and masks were not at the top of the list of what was on many of our minds or what we found to be of most importance. Connecting with those who needed an emotional lifeline, all the while we were learning to care for ourselves anew. This was different. Change is never easy, often unwanted. For 2020 and going forward we needed to embrace all the possibilities and get creative. And creative we have become and better for it.
Meaningful communication and contact are something we all know is vital when dealing with anyone facing trauma. We had no playbook for how to function in this new, we do not know when it might end, normal. Online meetings and facetime gave us the opportunity to embrace new avenues to address the needs in our groups. Depression that was becoming so prevalent. In the new work from home, excited just to go to the grocery store life, it also became a lifeline for our everyday. Messages in windows, social distancing in the driveway.
More actual conversations and less texting just to hear a voice. Drive by birthday parades for our kids. Dinner with extended family and friends online. Coming to terms that quarantine meant time with ourselves. Time we never took to think about our lives and now had too much. Hoping that in the future things will be less bad but feeling like it may be too much to dream that it will ever be what it was.
As weeks turned into months, last year exposed vulnerabilities, the humanism in the people who are so often available and at the ready for those who have experienced crisis. It became clear that we would be caring for one another and the simple question of “How are you doing?” became “How are you actually doing?” It demanded we slow down and do our best work.
I think back to the times I have spoken with CISM teams. Whether they were from airlines, Veterans’ group, active duty Navy and Army personnel, Corrections and Law Enforcement, I’ve always been so careful to respect the group I was working with and operate within their parameters. The language and acronyms used, respecting traditions and practices the group observes. Now I wonder if I was putting each group needing CISM in a box only to set them aside when interacting with another. Connection shouldn’t be defined or only relevant when a group wears the same uniform, or work at the same facility. As large as the world is, last year has shown how ridiculously small it can feel. Trauma is trauma. Connection, at the very basic level as a human being has become what opens our world back up. Makes the day go by quicker until we are with our loved ones again. When a walk in the park becomes a regular
activity again. I have always been a proponent for a CISM team to open the door outside of the very walls they function in and glean from teams outside of our own “boxes”. The knowledge and experience from other teams that operate in a different arena than our own has value and a wealth of knowledge we deprive our teams of when we aren’t open to crossing the road and breaching a divide. In this new time that brought to the forefront the true depth and breadth of social unrest, political polarization, and division in our world, in CISM, we have a connection, a belonging. Knowledge is of no value until it is shared and put into practice.
Traumatic events happen in our workplaces. Nobody volunteers or would wish for it. As a cancer survivor, I always hold closely to the truth that it was not an experience I would have ever chosen. But I would not give up all the personal growth or lessons learned through the process. That is also my growth and deeper understanding I have acquired through this pandemic.
This new year starts for me with having already left my airlines CISM team and preparing to fully retire from my airline for new challenges and exciting opportunities in the CISM arena. Taking what I am truly passionate about and embracing this new year with hope and purpose. Even though we are all still socially distancing, I know I have never felt closer to our CISM community and the bonds that have been strengthened.
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