International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc.
International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc.
By: Erin Cunningham, ICISF Member
Anyone who is working in health care, or in any capacity as a first responder or other essential job echoes this sentiment- that there is never a good time for a pandemic…
We can have every possible coping mechanism at our disposal, both healthy and not, and we are still not okay.
We live in a constant state of high alert with thoughts like “Do I have it?”; “Am I bringing it home to my family”; “Does my equipment protect me as it should?“; “Does my leadership care?”; “How long is this going to last?!”
We check our temperature multiple times during a shift, we monitor ourselves for symptoms, we wear masks, sometimes we wear coverings over our whole bodies.
Initially I found myself boasting of bravery, saying my only concern was bringing the virus home to my family, I wasn’t actually afraid of it.
And then it happened, I had an incident during one of my part time jobs that had me in a small, dirty, poorly ventilated hotel room with a confirmed positive covid-19 patient. I was stuck there for 3 hours, sweating my butt off in a tyvex suit with my N95 and safety goggles.
My mind raced anxiously the whole time I was there, I was annoyed that the technology I needed for this particular instance wasn’t working and that I was stuck in this situation.
When I finally left, I doffed my ppe appropriately, carefully peeling off the sweat soaked tyvex suit inside out and disposing of it, I wiped down my safety glasses and all the equipment I brought inside. I turned my gloves inside out and disposed of them immediately. The only thing that hadn’t been covered were my shoes. I took them off tied them up in a plastic bag and stuck them in my trunk.
When I got home I asked my husband to meet me outside with Lysol and my pajamas. I used the Lysol on my shoes at least twice and left them outside on my porch, and then I stripped down outside in my yard before entering my house. I had put all my clothing in a plastic bag and tied it off, and when I went in the house I immediately threw in a load of laundry with my clothes that I had worn, and took a shower. The following day I used Lysol on my shoes again as well as on the inside of my car, just to be safe.
These are some of the realities we are facing currently as first responders. These instances alone are challenging enough.
Have I mentioned I have 4 children? In the midst of the worries of what I’m bringing home, I’m now also a teacher. I’m struggling to teach my 6th grader, 2nd grader, and kindergartner while also trying to occupy my daughter who just turned 4 (can you imagine how hard it is to explain to a 4 year old that she can’t have the birthday she’s talked about all year because of a global pandemic?).
I don’t understand common core, I don’t like using zoom or trying to manage all of their different assignments. I’m frustrated and they’re frustrated.
My husband is a contractor for a government agency and he too is deemed essential, so he is still working full time, which further complicates my day.
If all of that isn’t enough, I’ve recently started a new full time job as a contractor paramedic. So there are days I don’t know what end is up and I feel like my head is going to explode.
I’ve been cut off from my church, which is one of the greatest sources of strength for me. I’ve had to do phone sessions with my counselor, which is ok, but it definitely leaves a lot to be desired.
So many of my friends and family are struggling in their relationships right now. I am there for them, and I listen. I recently saw someone write a Facebook post that read something along the lines of, “I am so emotionally exhausted”. And my first thought was, “aren’t we all?!”.
Now is the time to lean on each other. We may not be able to go to the gym, or hang out with friends, or go to church, or go out to dinner, or go through a Burger King Drive thru without wearing a mask… but we can talk, we can text, we can email, and we can video chat.
We need to talk, we need to be able to voice our frustrations to one another because odds are if you’re feeling it, you are not alone. Letting everything fester inside is a recipe for disaster when we’re all living in this very heightened emotional state, and now is the time to take action against it.
We will get through this, even though we are exhausted on so many levels.
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