International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc.
International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, Inc.
By: Dennis Potter, LMSW, FAAETS
We all know about grief when we lose someone, or a valued companion creature, or some thing that we care about. We feel bad. We cry. We seek support from others who also miss the person, the companion creature or the thing. We eventually begin to get back to who we were before the loss
In this pandemic, some of us have or might have people we know directly, or love die, but are those the only losses we are now sustaining? What about other losses we are currently experiencing as a result of the pandemic and the virtual shut down of normal life over the last weeks and the future weeks?
We historically have had the freedom to:
Now we cannot, or should not engage in these activities and we don’t know when we can start some of them safely, or under what circumstances. Just like when we have a Critical Incident, I believe we sustain intangible losses that we may not be aware of. I also believe that we grieve these losses in the same fashion as a tangible significant loss.
What are these potential intangible losses? Let’s take a look.
Sense of Control
Whether we have “essential jobs” and are working in our usual environment (with precautions), working from home (with very different co-workers who may demand our time without respect to work hours) or out of work, but stuck at home, we have some degree of concern for our personal health and safety (the purchase of guns and ammunition have gone up dramatically in some areas).
Sense of Immortality
Yes we know we are all going to die eventually, but we expect it to happen in the future
We hope our loved ones will be there with us at the end
Now we are confronted with the reality of tens of thousands of people dying in our country, and we may not be able to be there with them, or even have a normal memorial celebration
Sense of Justice
It’s just not fair . . .
Sense of Self Identity
Who are we in our own minds can be significantly challenged in these times!
Sense of Spiritual Beliefs
Whatever our sense of a higher power, or Supreme Being, or cosmic organizer, these are challenging times
Grieving Process
George Bonano in his book “The Other Side of Sadness” describes grief as coming in waves. At first the waves are high and close together, with only a little time in between when things might seem normal for a minute, an hour, or brief period before the next wave hits. Gradually, over time, the waves begin to diminish and get further apart only to be hit unexpectedly sometimes with a big one.
This Pandemic is not a single event that has happened and now we are coping with aftermath. We are in a holding pattern waiting for the worst to pass, then hopeful that we can gradually return to a new normal. So the grieving process is ongoing for a longer period of time.
What Can I Do?
Maintain some form of ongoing routine
Develop a sense of cautious optimism
Figure out one or two things that you can accomplish today (save some things for tomorrow), then celebrate at the end of the day that in spite of . . . I was at least able to do this! Maybe some of them could be fun projects like playing with your children or significant other, especially something that requires us to put down our electronic devices for a little while.
Human beings are genetically predisposed to pay more attention to “threats” than positive happenings. While you should not ignore the bad or pretend it isn’t happening, nor should you let it consume you. Try paying some attention each day to the more positive. At the end of the day, what can you legitimately be grateful for? Write them down so you can refer to them as frequently as you need.
Self-Care Too
Focus some attention on what you can do that:
These are extremely difficult times. The need for CISM interventions will probably greatly ramp up as we start to come out of the immediate impact of the pandemic. When Healthcare Workers are no longer in autopilot mode, when we find out whether or not we still have jobs, when we find out our “new normal” demands changes of us, this will be the time that the full impact will hit us. This will be the time for a creative use of CISM interventions. This will be the time we will need to pay additional attention to taking care of ourselves, and our team members.
Stay Calm and CISM On!
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